Who's the b now?
by RauWerner
Summary: Why Falco is a dick


Let me make one thing perfectly clear: I myself am straight. The story that follows is most certainly, definitely NOT. So big spoiler, this is my first ever, debut Yaoi oneshot. It involves two certain anthropomorphic characters already paired countless times in photographic media form, with dozens of offshoot fan-made characters getting a cut of the action. I'm referring of course to Fox McCloud and Falco Lombardi of Starfox series' fame. Don't expect anything great as I am just a little more than uncomfortable in this unforeseen event, never once considering doing something like this. I have nothing against gay rights, marriage etc. as I have an extremely nice friend that is in fact Bi-sexual himself, complete with boyfriend and everything. He also happens to be a fur, which if you're reading this and don't know what that is, I don't know why you are here in the first place. All offenses aside, I will try my best to produce something halfway decent, if nothing else to piss off another friend who is not quite as open minded as I, lol. Alright, I'm done so here is the rundown of what started the idea; Falco is constantly bickering with Fox, always complaining about him in a way that if you were to say, turn him into a chick, He would in essence be a heavy Tsundere. Tell me I'm wrong, the way the fans portray him in fanon media. He fights Fox every step of the way without even listening to his leader's point of view while pushing his own, demanding to be listened to yet never saying anything about actually becoming said leader. It's as though he has hidden insecurities big time, and will not admit them to himself nor most of all others. Tsundere much? This is my thought on the matter, and this line of thinking is what led me to break down at last and write,

"Who's The Bitch Now?"

Enjoy it while it lasts.

…...

The fight had been no worse than all the other times that led to Falco repeating his pattern over the years of returning to Great Fox, just to sooner than later argue about everything under the sun of Corneria and leave, having yet to break this cycle. However it had been a number of years, and he had never been gone for more than at the most, two. The crew was eventually forced to sell his possessions he left behind in his old room to raise funds for maintenance on their once proud ship, now almost a museum piece, outdated and outperformed by even the latest civilian class cruisers in terms of performance. Fox's spirits as well as the remaining two members had been dwindling to nothing quickly, and eventually Peppy left due to his age and slowly failing memory, winding up in a veteran's nursing home, while Slippy had since moved on to engineering and design for military and civilian grade products, ranging from toasters to tanks. Fox was still with Corneria's army, but had been unable to allow himself to settle down with a spouse after he divorced Krystal due to domestic issues as she had become violent in her later years of the relationship after becoming fed up with his attitude about his job, becoming a regular at a local hangout for drunks and the like, eventually forcing him to question if his days as an ace pilot were truly over. His son finally took up the same position and rank that he himself had held for what felt like forever now, and Fox himself was now roughly 34, single and quickly turning into a barfly like the people he watched with a wary eye at the bars. He had been feeling particularly low as he walked into the bar that night, walking up to the bar and sitting down with a plop. Suddenly he heard a familiar voice chuckle arrogantly, saying afterward,

"Well, what have we got here, a sack of monkey shit! Ain't that a kick in the head?" He quickly looked over to see Falco staring at him in sheer amusement, laughing at the shell of a man he had known prior to his fall back down.

"Oh, god... Falco? Wh-where... How... WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?" Fox erupted, ready to for a fight.

"Whoa, whoa... Cool it, ya wanna get us both thrown out you idiot...?" Falco said, motioning to the bartender who was ready to call the police at the drop of a hat. Fox quickly sat back down on the stool and tried to remain calm.

"How'd you find me? For that matter where the fuck have you been all this time... We had to sell all your stuff man, we didn't have any choice before you say anything." Fox said as Falco yanked off his sunglasses in shock, suddenly regaining his composure.

"Fine, fine I get it... But look at you, you sure hit a rut, and hard didn't you? I never thought you'd be here in some place like this, I figured you were better than that of all people, Fox..." Falco said sarcastically. Fox's ears pinned back in anger as he clenched his jaw tightly.

"Please tell me you didn't come here to mock me, or else I'll..." Fox began when Falco shook his finger tauntingly.

"Ooohh, temper temper old man, you'll end up like Peppy at that rate, heh heh.." He said, not allowing an instant for Fox to calm down. Suddenly Fox couldn't take it anymore. All the years of Falco's bitching pissing and moaning about his faults had finally boiled over as Fox appeared to leave, slowly getting off of his bar stool.

"Oh, you're just gonna leave then? No good bye, or how about a hello?" Falco said cruelly.

"How about 'goodnight' you prick..." Fox said as Falco got a confused look that turned to sheer surprise when Fox grabbed the Bar stool and brought it crashing down squarely on Falco's head, breaking the wooden seat into several shards on impact rendering Falco immediately unconscious. Fox suddenly realized what he'd done and looked over in time to see the barkeep reaching for the riot shotgun under the bar, meant for true riots.

"OUT! AND DON'T YOU EVEN DARE COME BACK YOU IDIOT!" He bellowed as Fox instinctively scooped up Falco and ran off toward his current living situation.

…...

"Geez, he may be a bird but he weighs a frigging ton! Light bone structure my ass..." Fox grumbled as he sat Falco's limp body on his sofa in the living room of his apartment. He made sure his idiot buddy was still breathing before going to the kitchen to get a beer or two out of the fridge, as Falco had forced him to miss his chance for some at the bar. He popped the cap off and sat down next to Falco as he took a few sips of the liquid. All at once he heard Falco moaning in his unconscious state, doing so in an odd manner.

"What the hell? He must be dreaming, dumbass..." Fox mumbled as Falco slumped over in his lap in a mess, a sloppy grin on his face as a trickle of drool dripped from his beak. Fox suddenly recognized the manner of soft groans and moans as he looked over to see Falco pitching a tent in his pants. Fox was shocked at the next thing he mumbled in his dream;

"No-not... that, Fo-Fox... You know that... mmmm, yeh, right there..." He mumbled as Fox stared completely dumbfounded by his words.

"Oh... My... Gawd... He's... He can't be a... Wow, I had my ideas but this is a shock I gotta say..." Fox said as his words rousted Falco awake as he saw his head was in Fox's lap, quickly sitting up with a jerk.

"WHAT THE FUCK'RE YOU TRYIN' TO DO, MCCLOUD?" He burst out as he grabbed his aching brainbox, pain shooting through it as his blood pressure forced him to halt mid rant.

"What're you looking at, you seem pleased about something Faggot..." Falco said as Fox grinned slyly.

"Don't throw stones... Faggot..." Fox said as he burst out laughing triumphantly, leaving Falco to stare at him, truly unaware of what had occurred before his return to the waking world.

"What are you-" Falco started to say before Fox pointed to his crotch, still hiding the Indian underneath the cloth, so to speak.

"Uh... Shit..." Falco said awkwardly, his face turning red in embarrassment.

"So it's like that then huh? I figured you were better than that, Falco..." Fox said, throwing his words from earlier back in his face. Fox knew if he let this chance to finally get Falco to shut up and confess everything, he'd never live with the fact that he let the greatest opportunity ever pass him by, even if it meant resorting to this.

"Well, we're both grown men that are capable of making our own decisions, and it looks like you already made yours old buddy... what's that old saying, 'you've made your bed, now lie in it'?" Fox said as he inched his face towards Falco's. Falco's eyes went wide as he felt his heart rate skyrocket, his boner returning with a vengeance.

"Let's see what I'm going to be working with, eh?" Fox said as he reached a hand for Falco's zipper, suddenly getting his hand grabbed in what felt like reluctance.

"Hum...? You want me to stop, Falco, is that it?" Fox teased, pulling his hand away when Falco finally relented and let go, allowing Fox to grab hold of the small metal tab and pull down, leaving Falco to spring forth out of the barricade that had been containing his raging hard on. Fox could smell Falco's dick heavily, gritting his teeth as he steeled himself to bring his face closer, the scent flooding his nostrils. Fox knew it was make or break time, and forced himself to open his mouth and poke his tongue out to contact with the tip of Falco's dick, getting the taste of salt and sweat on his taste buds. Fox was about to wretch, but contained his urge to convulse right there and ran his tongue all over the tip, feeling Falco squirm in his seat in a squeamish delight, his hidden fantasies now coming true. Fox was undaunted as he willed his head to bring Falco's piece further into his mouth, trying not to gag in the process as he breathed in the strong smell of his buddy's cock in his mouth. He continued to work his tongue over the surface and shape of it as Falco moaned and groaned in a way that Fox had never expected to hear from him. It was actually starting to get him all hot and bothered as he mentally slapped himself in an attempt to stay focused when suddenly he felt a feathered hand groping his ass, gently playing with his tail. Fox cringed as he remembered how Krystal had done essentially the same thing to let him know she wanted some fun, and Fox felt his own penis reacting to the motion. He felt Falco's dick twitching oddly as he contorted his body sharply, surprising Fox as he unexpectedly let out a load right into Fox's mouth, much to his disgust at the bitter taste of the organ jelly.

"UGH! Wh-PPFFFFT!" Fox shouted as he spat the wad out quickly, wiping his mouth on his shirt sleeve. As he looked back up at Falco, Fox saw him trying to bring himself to say something, finally acting out his thoughts instead as he began to completely disrobe revealing his naked feathered form leaving Fox who could tell Falco had been keeping in shape rather well.

"Well, what's this?" Fox said as he walked over to Falco who kept silent while Fox noticed Falco's little buddy was up and ready for round two.

"You gonna keep quiet for once? I always figured you were just a loudmouth... Well let's see if you can make other uses for it happen..." Fox said as he placed a hand on Falco's head and pushed him to a kneeling position to place Falco's face at Fox's own crotch, feeling a little more at ease with this situation than the prior one. Falco nuzzled Fox's bulge with his beak from outside Fox's pants, placing his tongue eagerly on it through the clothing, feeling Fox up with that method. Fox gently forced Falco off as he undid his belt and zipper as Falco reached for Fox's boxers to take them off, something Falco hadn't had on. Falco began returning Fox's favor as he seemed to be much more willing than Fox ever had, nipping at Fox tenderly with his beak as he relentlessly slid his tongue over under and all around the object he'd been longing to see, let alone have the pleasure of doing what he was currently. Fox could tell how pleased Falco was from his sighs of ecstasy from Falco's kneeling position before him, suddenly feeling his own member beginning to twitch in expectation of coming. Falco noticed this and took full advantage, focusing on tender weak spots he knew of from his own body's desires, and Fox gave a sharp gasp and a grunt as he filled Falco's mouth with hot white fluid that was gratefully swallowed with a loud, lewd gulp. Fox had just opened his eyes from them scrunching up in pleasure when he saw Falco leaned over the couch seat spreading his cheeks to Fox, who knew this was the ultimate hurdle in this little game. But he said to himself over and over,

"Free tail is free tail... It's just another hole to screw... Don't lose it, Fox!" Fox screamed mentally as he moved up to Falco's rear, tail feathers shaking nervously as Fox gripped Falco's behind firmly. Fox sat his dick in between Falco's crack, Hotdogging for a moment teasingly before he placed the tip of it at the hole that seemed to be trying to pull him in already. Fox began the process of forcing his way inside as he heard Falco whimper, his body wincing in sensation as Fox worked further and further into Falco's insides, only stopping because of hitting bottom. Fox's hips moved back and forth slowly at first as he listened to Falco sounding like his bitch with the way he was making all those little squeals and whimpering noises as Fox continued to pump Falco's ass. Fox finally found himself enjoying this part as he picked up to the pace his body demanded, suddenly hiking Falco's left leg up in the air as he gripped it tightly as well as Falco's cock which Fox began jerking off, slamming his dick over and again into the tight warmth of Falco's hole, anticipating Fox's climax at any moment. Suddenly Fox finally felt his juices beginning to flood out of him with Falco crying out not unlike a female, his guts clenching and jerking as Fox unloaded every last bit of come that remained inside of him as Falco did the same all over the cushions, with Fox finally dropping on top of Falco on the couch as he pulled out slowly. With the cock plug now gone, Falco's asshole dripped a secretion of the white jelly it had just been fed, the hole itself widened a bit from being stretched slightly. Both men were breathing heavily as they had worked up quite a sweat in the process of intercourse. Fox quickly realized Falco was asleep again, this time from the sheer amount of physical activity he had just took part in. Fox himself was worn out, but got up off of Falco to clean himself off in the bathroom. Before he left the room though, he looked back to see Falco, smiling happily in a way Fox had never seen from him, completely without that hard-nosed attitude he'd carted around for all those years. Fox found himself blushing as he turned away to clean his body off, his mind filled with thoughts of his own that he never thought he'd have.

Okay, I've fixed most of the grammar and spelling errors with this version, as well as doing this edit to say I don't exactly remember doing this story. Well, I do kinda, but well... Let's just say I've decided to stop drinking for a while -_-; Aaaannyway, I am actually impressed with this, despite the content but what was said still stands, I have no ill will toward this sort of thing, even if I write about it. I am therefore announcing that this will be continued at a later date, but it won't be often as my hunt for a job continues in this economical nightmare we now call North America will take up most of that time. That aside, expect more from this as ideas hit me, and believe me they will. My gawd, I need to stay away from Smirnoff for awhile...


End file.
